A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
