Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
PANTIES FOUND
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
