I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
