thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize