You can't motorboat a personality
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Randomize
