The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
