I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
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