Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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