This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
