apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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