does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
