I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
