I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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