We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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