Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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