Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
