Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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