So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
He had one of those small greek statue penises
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
