I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
