No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
