i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Randomize
