New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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