are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
