considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
