Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
