i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
