you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
