i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
