I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
