Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
