DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
