I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
