Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
