Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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