hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
