i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Two words: blizzard sex
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
