I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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