Well douche your snatch and let's go!
You just made me feel so damn special
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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