I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
