you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
