Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
