I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
