you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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