I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
