i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
