Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
We left the knife in your bed.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
