I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
