You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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