Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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