She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
