she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
