We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Your penis caused this!
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