im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
