Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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