you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
