I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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