you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
