Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
