well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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