i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
