I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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