I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
