After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
