I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
