i already hear my dad disowning me
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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