First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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