Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
