I CAN MOONWALK!
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
