She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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