I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
