Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
