I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
